No Control For Manhood
It was an adult gig, over 18s. Which meant that I arrived too early, being used to kids who get there hours before the doors even opened. So it gave me just enough time to go to the bar next door and grab a beer. Once I finished my beer I decided that this was the ideal time and place to ‘get the party started.’ So it was off to the toilets for the acid trip that had been sat in my pocket waiting to happen.
I snorted as much as I physically could before my head started to buzz and I slumped to the ground. Getting back up was harder than I first imagined. I dragged my body forward and felt my hands slump against the wall, then gradually I climbed up it. Before I knew it my hands hit something hard, I looked up and saw that I was inches off the ceiling. It was as if my feet were stuck to the wall. I pushed myself backwards, and felt a slight thump as my back reacted with the floor.
There was to be no more Spiderman antics tonight, I was here to do a job and that was what I was going to do. So unsteadily I picked myself up from the urine smelling floor where I was lay, smoothed down my damp jeans and tee, before recklessly heading out of the door.
In my haze I had lost track of time, there were some people outside the venue but luckily they hadn’t started to let people in yet. I decided to find some people to talk to while I waited.
I approached the nearest people to me, it was a girl and a lad, the girl looked at me wearily, I wasn’t sure why, maybe it was because I was on my own and she thought that I was going to cling to them? I walked in the way that was towards them, but somehow I walked in a semi-circle around them and bumped into a group of girls, one of which grabbed my arm, as if she wanted me to steady her.
“Don’t worry ladies Spiderman time has been and gone.” I thought it was nicer to call them ladies than girls, it makes them feel mature and as if I appreciate them more. They all smiled at me through gritted teeth. “So anyway, I work for the band,” This was when my bullshitting started. None of them spoke, but their smiles were still there, so it was time to try the method which most girls took notice of. “Any chance you wanna come backstage with me later.” I watched as their eyes lit up, and their smiles beamed, it always worked. I told them all about my life with the band. I had these girls eating out of my hands. Five pretty girls, I was in heaven.
As the doors started to open and people moved themselves into an orderly queue. I laughed to myself at how polite people were being when really they just wanted to push each other out of the way to get to the best spot in the venue. To me it never mattered because my favourite spot was by the bar, as long as I had beer, my night was sorted. I lost the girls in the crowd, I shouted to no one in particular, “Yeah, find me later I’ll sort something out.”
As I walked inside the venue, the security guy looked me up and down; I smiled to myself because I knew that he was thinking if only I could look like him. I handed him my ticket. As I walked down the corridor into the venue I smiled to myself because in the mirror I could see the guy behind me, he looked kind of casual, just wearing jeans and a t-shirt, his hair was a bit messed up, and he looked like he was having trouble walking, his knees bent in a unnatural fashion as he stepped. I thought to myself wow that’s someone with too many drugs in their system. I span around to ask him a question, almost falling down, but he had gone. I stood there shocked for a while, people pushed past me almost knocking me over, so I carried on back down the corridor and inside the venue.
As I went to the bar, and noticed that the balcony was reserved for VIPs, so I thought to myself it’s worth a try.
The guy at the bottom of the stairs kept his eye on me as I approached him. I attempted to smile at him, while keeping my cool, but the scowl on his face stopped from doing so. “Alright if I go up there guv?” I thought I’d keep it simple.
“No VIPs only.” He looked straight past me; he obviously wanted to keep it simple too.
“Oh sorry, did I forget to say? I’m Pete, I do all the bands PR.”
“That’s nice for you, but this is pass only.” This guy was tough.
“I never got round to getting it, but I can see that it’s a problem for you, I mean I suppose it’s your job. I’ll give Paul a call but he’s gonna be pissed having to sort this shit out.” I got my phone out.
He looked a bit panicked, “No need for that, you can go up.” It always helped to do a bit of research before the gigs, it’s not what you know, it’s who you know as they say, or who people think you know in my case.
“Cheers,” I said as I swaggered up stairs. VIP. This is what dreams are made of.
Once I got up there I checked the view from the balcony, perfect I would be able to see everything without getting the occasional head in my way, or having someone push me in a direction that I didn’t want to go in. I went to the bar to get a beer. After I had swigged a bit of the beer, I decided it was time to take some more acid, the effects of my last trip were starting to wear off now, it had lasted me well though, but I needed more to last me through the gig. I put my beer down the ledge of the balcony before going to the toilet.
In the toilet there was another man in there, I didn’t recognise him from other shows or around town, I figured he must actually be with the band. He saluted me as I went into a cubicle.
I pulled the acid out of my pocket there wasn’t as much left as I had thought, but there was enough for me to have a good time. I snorted it in 2 lots. After the second lot my body slumped against the cubicle wall, there was a boom as loud as a car crash as the walls of the cubicle trembled, then the room shook, but I stayed where I was, nothing was going to move me.
I heard two slapping sounds, I assumed it was the aftermath of the boom, so I didn’t do anything, then I heard the same thing again followed by a voice, “Dude, are you ok in there?” I thought for a second that maybe it was the voice of god. Then I remembered the man who saluted me; it must have been him knocking on the door.
“Ha look at you,” the voice was coming from above me, surely it couldn’t be god. I looked up to see a toothless grin. If that was the face of god, then fuck me. Then a hand rose over the cubicle and saluted me.
I watched as what seemed like a white piece of paper floated down and landed on my lap. “Take this, Charlie makes everyone feel better.” With that the toothless grin was gone. I heard it singing “Charlie, Charlie, Charlie,” and then a door slammed and all was quiet again.
I picked up the piece of paper; thinking that it would have a phone number on or something, but it was a plastic pouch with powder in, this was the Charlie the grin was talking about.
I put the seat down of the toilet, got a card and note out of my pocket, lined the powder up, and then snorted 3 lines of it. It was the best coke that I’ve had in ages. I had no idea why the grin had given it to me. I got out of the cubicle and could hear the muffled sound of a band outside. I figured it must be the support band. I composed myself and zigzagged across the toilets to the door.
I spotted my lonely pint on the ledge where I had left it. I recognised the music playing which meant that it must have been the main band. Through my blurred vision I tried to focus on the lead singer, every time I would get close to focusing, he would move and I would lose it. All I could make out was a whole lot of hair and he seemed to have a keyboard in front of him. If my memory was working properly then that is what it was like last time I saw them. But I didn’t really want to trust my memory because it was more likely to be the memory of the acid, but the music just sounded so familiar.
I suddenly realised that my legs and arms were in overdrive. They didn’t seem to be working together; they just seemed to be working for themselves, trying to get all they could out of the situation. My head to was bouncing around to the sounds that I was hearing; there was no stopping me now. Even I couldn’t stop myself; I just had to go with whatever was happening.
In slow motion I watched as my right hand stretched out over the ledge, it hit my pint of beer, and there was nothing I could do as I watched it topple over the side, and disappear out of my sight. My arm was still stretching out, and then my hand was forced into the rock sign, as if I was watching a heavy metal band. The vilest sound came out of my mouth. It was as if I was a female girl who had seen their favourite pop idol. My stomach turned but the sound didn’t go away. Beyond the vile sound that I was making there was a smash and a bellowing scream, then the sound of movement. I was too concerned with my own body to really take notice.
I felt a flutter of feeling in my left arm, and thought that this would be a good time to take control of my body. I struggled to move my left arm, but once I had it free I was able to grab my right wrist. Fighting against my right arm not wanting to be drawn back in, eventually it snapped back into place.
I pulled so hard I felt an immense pain run through my jaw, and then heard a boom as I felt the balcony rumble beneath me. My eyes went out of focus for a couple of seconds, when I got my sight back I couldn’t see anything just a blank space and flashing lights. I could still hear the band. I felt something pressed up against my back, I tried to turn to see what it was, but my feet wouldn’t move me round, even though I was kicking them furiously.
Then the grin reappeared, the teeth were worse than I remembered, they were stained and crooked, it obviously had never heard of dental hygiene. I started to laugh to myself; I felt my body shaking at the intensity of my laughing. The grin got wider, “Good shit, hey?”
I suddenly stopped laughing but my body carried on shaking. “God shit, good shit, good shit.” The voice was going around in a circle. The grin disappeared and the voice trailed off with it. All I was left with was the sound of the band and a piercing screaming drilling through my ears. I wanted the screaming to stop, but it wouldn’t it just kept on going. The song finished, then the next one began and the screaming was still there, still ringing through my ears. And the band were a blank space, maybe it was part of their set. There was still something pressed against my back, but at least the grin was gone, gone with his irritating voice, gone with his vile teeth.
Then the eyes came, all watching me, looking through me, millions of eyes cast upon me. I started laughing again, more wildly with every second that past, it made the shaking worse and worse.
Fingers stretched out in front of me, I wanted to bat every single finger away from me, but my arms moved no further than my chest. The fingers wiggled as if to tempt me. They were distracting me. Maybe the fingers were part of the show, a new concept to the music; maybe they were just there to dance to the music.
Then the fingers closed around my arms and my body was flung through the air. Something hard hit the sole of my feet and my legs buckled under the weight of my body.
The fingers were still wrapped tightly around my arms. I felt them tugging at me, I looked down and I saw my legs being dragged across the floor. There was no way that I was dragging my own legs it must have been the fingers. I tried to speak but the only sound to come out of my mouth was a groan.
The fingers let me go, my face bounced off something cold and hard. I could no longer hear the band. I could only hear the sound of a siren in the distance, gradually fading. I watched as the ground in front of me turned a deeper red and I had a bitter taste sensation in my mouth. I tried to call out for the siren to come back, but all I could manage was to spit “Heealp mi,” as my head went fuzzy and the sound disappeared.
